Whenever I hear someone express a pet peeve (and when I consider my own), I try to step back a bit for a wider view. Usually the added perspective is enlightening and empowering. (Sometimes I’m baffled: “Caution-Do not use this toaster underwater.” But that’s a topic for another day.) I believe that so many of the complaints we have, large and small, stem from living in a society that has lost its civil sense.
A civil society is one in which individuals, corporations, and organizations are able to align their self-interests with those of people around them. When the balance gets upset, society suffers from a lack of civility. Paradoxically, the result is that the more self-centered we are—the more we are concerned with our own needs and wants—the more miserable we are. The reason? The rest of the world just doesn’t agree with our wants and everyone gets in the way.
Our legislators are so polarized that they seem capable of inaction. How do they deal with the polarization? They make personal attacks on each other and push harder for their personal agendas. The result, of course, is more noise and deadlock.
In a little league game, the umpire makes a controversial call and parents in the stands—convinced of the rightness/righteousness of their view—scream and come to blows. The result? Their kids either emerge thinking that brute force is the best way to deal with ideas different from your own or quit little league altogether because of the pressure. The ideal of learning that teamwork and sportsmanship are means for successful living in society are lost in both cases.
A guy honks at the car ahead as soon as the light changes because he’s running late for an appointment and doesn’t want to waste a second. The car in front has had it and sits there through the light.
The diners leave a small tip, so the waiter sneers as they leave.
In all these cases, no one wins and everyone loses. Society loses. I believe that a civil society is a strong one. In a civil society, we can still strongly disagree. But we don’t have to be disagreeable. We can be very different—even eccentric—but our interactions should reflect our desire to bring out the best in ourselves and in those around us. It requires us to give the right of way, give people the benefit of the doubt, curb our tempers, and be less selfish. There is no down side. Let’s try it.
