The Buck and Mike Blog

Today is the first day that same-sex couples in Washington, DC, begin picking up marriage licenses. Undoubtedly, some of the first in line will be couples who have been together for 20, 30, or 40 years or more. Some have raised children and have grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Many have worked openly as civil servants for years, getting your social security checks out on time, inspecting your food, manufacturing coins and currency, and testing drugs to make sure they are safe and effective. Some work in the Environmental Protection Agency, helping safeguard our environment. Others work for the Smithsonian Institution, helping safeguard the treasures of our national heritage. Some install cable TV, put out fires, police the streets, manage stores, preach on Sundays, build houses, and fix cars. There will be college students, plumbers, doctors, bus drivers, teachers, artists, cabinet makers, computer programmers, architects, flight attendants, attorneys, and writers. There will be employees of the Red Cross, the World Bank, Amnesty International, the Pentagon, and international embassies.

We know Washington people in all these categories, and some will be waiting in line today. This is a great demonstration of joy, optimism, and love in a city that is often the scene of cynicism. I’m very happy for all of you. If we were not already married, we would be lining up with you.

Read the CNN.com article.

Attention runners!

The 46th Annual DeCelle Memorial Lake Tahoe Relay will take place on June 12.

The most scenic run in all of America, the route runs completely around Lake Tahoe. Seven-member teams run the seven legs, each 8-12 miles long, for a total of 72 miles, through both California and Nevada. It is a favorite race for many teams, who return year after year. If you want to participate, you have better register early. There are a limited number of slots and last year some teams had to be turned away because they didn’t register early enough.

This is the 46th annual race! The race’s founder, Robert E. DeCelle Sr., devoted his life to promoting distance running, serving as an official, certifying courses, and lobbying for more events. His advocacy was instrumental in gaining support for women to compete in distance running events. He passed away in 1997, two weeks after the 33rd annual relay.

The race is named after Robert DeCelle, Sr’s son, Captain Robert DeCelle, Jr. “Bobby” as his family called him, an avid high school runner. Drafted into the Army in 1966, he flew a helicopter during the Vietnam War. In February 1971 his helicopter was hit and he suffered severe injuries, yet he managed to pilot it away from the battle and thus saved the lives of his crew. He died from his injuries about a week later on February 21, 1971. He was heavily decorated by the Army and a base in Vietnam was named for him. At that time, the Lake Tahoe Relay was renamed in his honor.

This not-for-profit relay event is staffed each year by dozens of volunteers, most of them friends and extended DeCelle family members. All profit from entry fees goes to local high school running programs, a fitting tribute to both Robert Sr. and Bobby. The race is managed and coordinated by April DeCelle Carter, who is Robert Sr.’s daughter, Bobby’s sister, and—as you might expect—an avid runner herself.

For more information, go to the race’s web site, http://www.laketahoerelay.com, or send me an e-mail message and I’ll snail mail you a flyer with registration information.

Okay, I admit it. We have a family connection. My charming and talented daughter Olivia married Scott Carter, April’s son and Robert Sr.’s grandson. Mike and I will be doing our part during the race, directing traffic, cheering runners, and playing with the West’s most charming grandkids as much as possible.

DeCelle Memorial Lake Tahoe Relay, Lake Tahoe, Robert E. DeCelle Sr, distance running, distance running, Captain Robert DeCelle, Jr., Lake Tahoe Relay, relay, April DeCelle Carter

A bill currently before the Minnesota state legislature would ban marriages between people who don’t love each other.

Portugal’s parliament voted Friday to allow same-sex marriage in the country, making it the sixth country in Europe to grant marriage equality. (Spain, Norway, Belgium, the Netherlands, and Sweden are the others.) Canada, South Africa and several U.S. states also permit same-sex marriages as do a number of large cities (most recently Mexico City).

Read the New York Times article.

Our best holiday gift was being able to travel south to Ashland, OR, to meet Liv and Scott and The Two Best Grandkids for parts of two days. We had a great time and hated to see it end. We look forward to seeing them all again a few times during the next year.

There are still Americans who believe our current climate changes are just part of the nature order of things, an that we should just learn to live with it. They deny the reality of global warming, as there are deniers of evolution, the Holocaust, and the death of Elvis. Americans are especially good at denying their addictions, especially to the fossil fuels that are the major causes of damage to our home.

The United States has traditionally blocked worldwide acceptance of strong environmental protections as “not in our national interest;” in other words “we don’t want to change our selfish way of life.” Island nations that are sinking below the rising oceans or being ravaged annually by storms don’t have such luxury. Perhaps it’s time to put aside our belief in our superiority and invincibility and begin to think globally.

I’m hoping the Copenhagen Climate Change Conference, which ends this week, results in some sweeping changes that will allow my grandchildren to see a world at least as nice as the one I have grown up in. At the current rate of decline, theirs will be a very different, more depressing, place.

global warming, Copenhagen Climate Change Conference

Tonight is the first night of Hanukkah. We always light the candles each night on our nice brass menorah (well, we sometimes miss a night) and chant the traditional Hebrew Hanukkah prayers. Although not a particularly important Jewish holiday, it is one of my favorites. The Hahukkah story is beautiful and has many important lessons for us today about faith, obedience, and pride in our own heritage.

This is the only time Mike and I have spent the first night of Hanukkah apart in our 12 years together. (He’s visiting his folks in sunny Florida, for which I may not forgive him since it’s currently 20 degrees here in Portland.) I dispensed with the lighting of real candles at sunset this evening and instead “lit” the candles on the mini geeky LED menorah I bought for him this year. Electric menorahs are common, as they are safer and still meet the commandment to “kindle the Hanukkah lights” without burning down the house. I still did the prayers, by myself, remembering to do the extra shehecheyanu blessing on the first night to give thanks for the gift of life and for living to celebrate the season once again, and “lighting the candles” in the correct order. I even remembered to put it in the window for the world to see, as is tradition.

Still, without my own special Jew at home it just isn’t the same.

Hebrew, Hahukkah, menorah, shehecheyanu

This year we will spend a quiet day at home, with a meal for the two of us and a friend. With spiced mulled cider simmering in the background and a fresh bouquet of orange roses on the table, we’ll have a nice fire in the fireplace.

The menu is modest this year and includes:

• Roast duckling with Oregon Zinfandel Cherry glaze
• Herb stuffing
• Crushed cranberry sauce
• Fresh green beans sautéed with garlic and slivered almonds
• Corn-on-the-cob with herb butter
• Beauregard Yams stuffed with almond paste and ginger
• Garlic mashed potatoes with gravy
• Green salad with homemade cilantro vinaigrette
• Homemade pumpkin pie with whipped cream (store-bought crust, sorry Mom)

Happy Thanksgiving from both of us.

What are your holiday plans?

Thanksgiving

October 11 is National Coming Out Day, an annual reminder that gay people help themselves and others when we are completely open about our identity. Originally organized after the first LGBT March on Washington, this one coincides with the National Equality March, also in Washington, DC.

The day is a chance to think about the areas of our lives where we have not been fully honest with others. If our families don’t know, then we are not allowing them to be close to us. If we permit our employers to assume things about us that aren’t true, then we are being dishonest with them. Further, it is an opportunity to present a human face of the LGBT community to the public. It is difficult to dismiss us as a group if people know us as individuals.

No one ever said that it’s an easy decision to come out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender. Most who have done it, however, will tell you that it’s harder to conceal your identity. Coming out is liberating. You are free, finally.
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National Coming Out Day

In an article published last week in the New York Times, financial experts Tara Siegel Bernard and Ron Lieber compare the costs of being a gay couple in a life-long relationship and a married heterosexual couple. They look at best case and worst case scenarios and everything in between. In both cases the couples had kids, grew old together, and at least one of them died.

Guess what. It’s expensive being gay. Some of the costs are obvious, like the inability to collect Social Security benefits when a partner dies. Some costs are more subtle, like health insurance premiums. Premiums for heterosexual couples with health insurance provided by a spouse’s employer are tax deductable, but they are not for gay couples (even those rare cases where employers offer full domestic partner benefits).

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A new website was born this past week, and I think it deserves close attention. Sponsored by Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons, the new site seeks to help parents, siblings, church leaders, spouses, and gay people understand better the pain experienced by everyone when a gay family member comes out of the closet as homosexual.

Keep Them and Love Them is an appropriate name for the site. I have seen families shattered when a young person — trusting that he or she would always be safe at home — dares tell parents they are gay and learns that home is no longer a place of refuge. Too often they find just the opposite: “Pack your bags and be out of here in an hour and don’t ever come back.” Nearly half of young homeless people are gay, a very sad statistic. This site can help families with at-risk family members.
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I ran to the Dollar Store for a couple things last week and couldn’t help seeing this display of finger puppets for the children’s fable “The Emperor’s New Clothes.” Don’t get me wrong, I love puppets and finger puppets are just plain fun. But the only one they had was the naked version of the Emperor. I’m wondering what kind of stories dads would tell their kids at night with just this one finger puppet.

So I’m sending it to my son-in-law to see what he comes up with.